because i'm all about SHARING the truth ...


So here goes...


First off, I actually really do love the taste of alcohol. I love the romanticism of it - I love a good buzz from time to time. Who doesn't? I believe I'm not in the minority here in the slightest.


But when people in your life that love you start to question your behavior and reasons, it forces a person to take the time (and go to therapy) to put themselves under a microscope- which I have been doing the past several months.


It's taken me a minute to figure it out for myself. I've discovered that I haven't always made great decisions while under the influence (a natural occurrence when limits are exceeded - duh. Tale as old as time), how much I can have and still stay in control (exactly 2 cocktails now with my tolerance levels and current body weight), but that I will still enjoy drinking alcohol (with boundaries I've now set for myself) as long as my liver says it's OK. More on this at the conclusion...


So I'm going to share my relationship with alcohol from the beginning to where I'm at today. I'm choosing to do this for 3 reasons.

ONE: simply to show you a glimpse into my world

TWO: to hold myself accountable

THREE: perhaps you or someone you know has had a similar relationship and this can help you/them feel less alone

(and if you have a healthy relationship with it and don't give a shit, go back to scrolling Instagram reels. No worries!)

A series of candid party photos showing people drinking and socializing at a casual indoor gathering.

early influences


I grew up in the 80's and 90's with party parents. While they are divorced and drink in moderation now, they used to love to binge drink on the weekends and hang out with their friends. I'm an only child and got drug to many things where I was the only kid... and put to bed early so they could keep the party going. I remember finding it hard to sleep some nights because they would burst into laughter playing cards or Pictionary. But my first true memory being around someone 'drunk' was my grandparent's 40th anniversary party. I was in elementary school and was to ride home with my grandparents so the parent-parents could keep partying? I don't know why I was the only grandkid going home with them... but I remember my grandma questioning my grandpa on whether or not he should be driving she and I home and he yelled at her 'Oh, blow it out your ASS!' She must have saw the surprise on my face and told me to just ignore him. She allowed him to drive us. We arrived safely back to the farm, thankfully, 10 miles or so on gravel. I don't remember my grandpa drinking much before or after that, but I remember that time.


When I was 15, this small town Nebraska girl had her first date and was offered her first drink of alcohol in the same night. We went with a group to 'look at Christmas lights' (which is what we told our parents, anyways) in a full size van. As we started 'booze cruising' on gravel roads, I got handed a warm Busch Light. I hesitated for a minute (words echoing in my ears from the D.A.R.E. campaigns) but everyone else was cracking open beers so I thought I should too. It's what you do, I remember being surprised that beer was carbonated.


After that I became a bit of a binge drinker on the weekends at random parties and booze cruising in the country, as all my friends did. Luckily I never got a DUI. That continued through college on a minor level, as I had a steady boyfriend (can't spell DRUNK without UNK!)


Then I found myself engaged to be married at 19. I really just drank on the weekends when friends came over for dinner or cards. I was 21 when I got married and I think I maybe had 1 drink on our entire honeymoon. Drinking just wasn't on the radar. The focus was on our careers and Violet wouldn't come along for another 11 years.


But then in 2011: a move to Wahoo,NE....

A cocktail glass with ice and garnish sits next to a bottle of Ketel One vodka and mixer on a wooden table.
Glass bottles and a fresh lime sit on a wooden surface in moody lighting.
Friends holding various canned beverages while celebrating outdoors.
A well-stocked bar shelf displays various liquor bottles, glassware, and bar accessories in warm lighting.
Person in sunglasses enjoys red wine on outdoor patio while relaxing in casual attire.
A lineup of various beer cans arranged in a row on a wooden surface with blurred background.
People playing cards at a wooden table with drinks and snacks visible in a dimly lit setting.
A martini glass filled with clear cocktail garnished with three green olives on a wooden deck in natural light.
A series of photos showing someone drinking from a martini glass in a dimly lit restaurant setting.
Friends clink small beer glasses in a toast at a dimly lit bar with colorful lights in the background.
People enjoying glasses of white wine at an outdoor table during a sunny day.
A hand holds a glencairn whiskey glass with golden spirit inside while watching TV in a dimly lit room.

"wahoo is a drinking town"


That's what I was told right upon moving to this town of 4,500 and also learned to be true first-hand. Is it the boredom of small town life? Or a cultural thing with all the Czech people? I don't know. But binge drinking on the weekends turned into drinking everyday. There always seemed to be a reason to drink: Golf league...FAC ('Friday afternoon club' but turned into everyday of the week)...fundraisers.... random driveway parties. Any evening, with anyone, drinks were had.


I found motherhood when Violet was a toddler difficult. So by the end of the day I'd have a drink.

I love to cook and pair a cocktail with whatever I'm making for dinner. So I'd have a drink that usually led to more than 1.

Entertaining was frequent, so you can guess what the weekends looked like.

Then COVID happened and....yup. Boxes upon boxes of glass recycling... not to mention a huge weight gain.

Then I began offering alcohol to my photography clients to help them relax during their shoot. And you betcha I joined them.


Not everyday ALL day, but everyday.

This cycle continued for 14 years.

That is a lot of years of habit to break.

A person in a blue floral dress sits casually on a beige upholstered chair in a home setting.

And I love to taste and try all the drinks and new things - beer, martinis, margaritas, wine, and whiskey. I love pairing food with a drink.

It brings me much joy. That will never change for me.

A glass of red wine and bottle sit on a wooden serving board with a black and white patterned napkin.
A plate of seafood featuring shrimp and mussels in broth served alongside glasses of red wine at a restaurant table.
A plated dinner featuring grilled salmon with asparagus and a creamy rice pilaf on a textured ceramic dish.

fast forward to 2024


While I didn't feel I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol at this point, I did have an unhealthy weight. So I began paying a lot more attention to my diet - choosing low carb alcoholic options instead and I stopped drinking beer all together. I lost 60 pounds from changing what I put into my body and exercising. And wow! I felt SO much better. But still a drink or two everyday and more on the weekends.


Looking back, the reasons why I drank so much during that time in my life was twofold: habit/routine and celebrating. I truly thought I had it made in the shade (drinking vodka lemonade) and loved my life. I had a strong friend network (enabling as we all were to each other), business was booming, and we had a beautiful daughter [watching our every move]. So yes - lots to celebrate.


Until I realized there was one aspect that I didn't love so much anymore...

(I decided to make a drastic life-altering change. Read all about that HERE.)

A person holds up a book titled '40 Over 40' while smiling in front of a wall with black and white photographs.
Close-up view of manicured fingernails with alternating white and gray polish on a textured surface.
A series of orange neon signs mounted on a dark wall displaying phrases like "NORMAL" and "GETS YOU NOWHERE".

from january 2025 to january 2026


It's a total wonder to me how after divorcing my husband of over 20 years, falling in love with a woman, and renovating a historic building that I didn't drink even more than I did this past year. But still - going through all that I still had my moments of over doing it.

And I got called out on it.

And each time it happened I remember feeling such blame. And shame. And that they were wanting to change me. Because when you live a lifestyle for so long, you begin to feel like it's your identity.

And I resisted and was in denial. I felt attacked and alone.


But then I started therapy and actually came across the following words..... and I found a lot of clarity through it.

A text quote about soulmates printed in black on beige paper with a highlighted first sentence in yellow.

i wANT TO BE HEALTHY


A person doesn't think they have a problem until they look at their camera roll. For example, working on this post I searched 'drink' in my camera roll on my iPhone and had a honey hole of photo options. And the word 'problem' is all relative, but yes... I feel I have had an unhealthy relationship and unclear reason for drinking.


FACT: There will ALWAYS be an opportunity to drink:


To unwind at the end of the day.

Birthdays.

Anniversaries.

Time with clients.

Vacations.

Because it's Tuesday...


The key difference for me now shall be this: when I choose to drink, I want it to be a treat rather than a bad habit that leads to destruction. I will be intentional. I will listen to my body. I WILL NOT use it as an escape.


Bottomline: I want to be healthy and if any activity doesn't align with what that means to me, I ain't about it.

And that includes no more vaping. I'm on month 4 of not and I'm very proud of myself.

Playing cards and yellow legal pad are arranged on a wooden table with a glass of wine visible in the background.
A person in a navy polka dot sweater smiles and holds a coffee mug while standing near indoor plants.

photo by Daniel Muller

BOUNDARIES UNTIL THE HABIT IS BROKEN


Freedom to me isn't having to count or track. That's why I like keto and not calorie-counting. But I do know that boundaries are a healthy way to break a cycle until you don't need to any longer. (muscle memory and what-not) So here are my personal boundaries around alcohol until the old habit is broken in my brain.


  • I will enjoy drinking while I cook dinner if I want because it brings me joy (and I don't cook a meal every night)
  • fancy mocktails with clients to maintain a professional relationship and maintain my waistline (I've been loving these)
  • one drink per hour with friends/social/work function
  • only drink martinis if there are blue cheese stuffed olives! I'm going to be a snob.


So many of my clients and friends have chosen to reassess their own relationship with alcohol - Some are practicing dry January and some abstain altogether and have gone through AA. There is no right/wrong. It's a social thing, a cultural thing, and always a personal choice. I don't feel that anyone should judge or criticize someone for over-doing it but rather express a loving concern and offer to help in any way. It's a delicate topic that I'm very sensitive to now, through the help of my loves and therapist. I'm grateful for support and full of hope.

And this makes me laugh: when you're at a party and not drinking


Cheers to 2026.

-Stacy


Similar experience?


I'd love to hear YOUR story. We all have one...